Stop Cooking With Cheese…..

Hello..My Name Is Robin Wilks and I am an Enabler. As self admitted enabler, I’d like to rant.

  * DISCLAIMER ALERT! *  To avoid nasty emails from my own children, I must say that they are and have been very independent for the most part… in light of my enabling habits.. This rant is not directed at them, but at the many parents out there that are experiencing adult children that just will not leave the nest.

We baby boomers are a different breed of parents.  Most of us were born to parents or grandparents who experienced WW2 (you know, the war AFTER the war to end all wars…ahem).  There wasn’t a lot of money, and in some cases, our parents experienced rationing..Times were tough.  Tough?  Tough?  A term that is foreign to many young adults today.  Oh I get the hardships of the economic times of today…but let’s be real – when the rubber hits the road – it can be very rewarding.

This blog (rant) is dedicated to the mental health of  my friends who are going around the twist trying to live out their much deserved retired years in peace and  their adult children who may not realizing they are preventing the same….

Actually, Psychologist Prof. Haim Omer describes the world-wide phenomenon of a dependence on parents that doesn’t stop.   He calls this “entitled dependence.”  He discovered that this is a worldwide phenomenon. Instead of leaving home to embark on an independent life, young adults remain dependent on their parents.  There are other terms for this phenomenon…bamboccioni [literally, big babies] in Italy, [living at] “hotel mama” in Germany, boomerang children in Australia, parasaito shinguru [single parasite] in Japan.

As a young adult, my dream was to “get the hell out of dodge”….I didn’t want to follow the house rules (they were strict back then).  I wanted to be independent; to forge out into the world and make my mark.  I moved into a bachelor apartment, by myself (well, I did have a bazillion cockroaches and a few mice to keep me company), over a stinky fish store in Cabbagetown (downtown Toronto).  I WORKED.  In a Factory – determined to make it on my own.  There were days back then that I had to push my way out of my tiny apartment and step over a homeless person.  I had no education at that time, hence the factory job, …just the motivation to make it on my own.  I was 15 years old.  I was the extreme opposite of the entitled dependence syndrome.  Would I NOT recommend leaving home at 15…of course not, but it did make me the person I am .  INDEPENDENT.

Do we as parents subconsciously want our son’s in particular to be dependent on us?  It seems that they are the worst perpetrators of  “entitled dependenced”. 

I didn’t realize when I was blessed with parenting my own children, is that learning lessons in life the hard way is what made me the person I am today. I didn’t want my kids leaving home at 15 –  I was over-protective.  My girls will say that I parented my son differently than I did them.  Looking back..I did.  When I looked at my daughters, I saw strength and independence…I just wanted to mother the hell out of my son…go figure. Shame on me for not seeing his own strength.  Throw in a particularly messy divorce…(GUILT.)..Give ’em everything they want, even before they knew they want it (GUILT) to suppress my own guilt for tearing them away from their cozy life with a mother and father that actually lived in the same household.  It’s a wonder my kids turned out as wonderful as they did.  We can only do our best.

Retired parents in their 60’s are looking forward to their reward for having worked hard most of their lives, yet many aren’t finished supporting their adult “kids”.  They are held hostage by anger, frustration, disappointment, guilt and fear the consequences of throwing their adult birdie out of the nest.  The reality is…we don’t have as many years left as the one’s that many are still supporting.  

To all of you bamboccioni (BIG BABIES), boomerang children and parasaito shinguru [single parasite] get out of bed before noon, get a job and

GET THE HELL OUT OF DODGE!

Too all of you enablers, here is my own recipe to get those little blood suckers to move into a more independent self. – 

STOP COOKING WITH CHEESE!

Give them the tools and encouragement to move out into the world…Let’s treat them as adults instead of children…it’s really ok…there’s isn’t a boogey man out there..and if there is, there is a safety net.  As parents’ we will always be there for their emotion support and in these hard economic times, to assist financially…TO A POINT.  Set boundaries!  Set rules!  Insist on their participation in household chores!  Most important, together, create an exit strategy TOGETHER.  Otherwise, the loving and mature relationship that we strive to achieve with our adult children may indeed turn into a dysfunctional or even non existent one.

As a retired enabler, I’m  hoping that I will one day, somewhat turn the tables and hope that my children will be there for me when I need them!  When I’m too old to figure out how to open the frustrating plastic packaging to remove the tiny object that manufacturers feel the need to challenge us with.  When I need someone to clip the hedge, cut the lawn, clean the gutters – FOR FREE.  Payback’s a bitch kiddo’s. In return,  I promise I will remain independent and live as long as I can on my own and then, heck, I may even want to move into a senior home and play bingo with all the other old farts.

RANT OVER…just sayin.

I’ll leave you with this…

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Life is Good…..

THERE IS ONLY ONE LEWIS HAMILTON!

I really don’t know where to begin!  So much fun with family and friends…it’s almost hard to explain…but let me try….

I had every intention of doing a blog each day we were at the Grand Prix in Montreal…That obviously didn’t happen and not for lack of trying, but for lack of time!

So, lets begin where we left off..

Friday started off pretty chili and we were suppose to wear our shorts with our tee shirts…Most of the Canadian’s refused, but packed the shorts in case the weather warmed through the day…all except Lea and Don.

Lea received the Casualty Hat…untitled-5-4But let’s back up to the day…

Our favorite Busker (We call him Stan, as he can only really sing, if you call it that, one song…Stand By Me) didn’t let us down and was merrily singing and playing his guitar (which had 6 strings this year!) and entertaining all the fans eagerly heading into the F1 stands.

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We arrive at the famous “fence”..it’s where we always start our day.  Today is Practice for the F1.  1st practice in the morning and 2nd practice in the afternoon. ..and the sun comes out and it warms up!  So, we all (except the Rowan’s) peel off our jeans and put on our uniform shorts…the only time you can drink before noon and not feel guilty is at the F1..it’s the rule!…except, well, I’d had enough of the red grapes the night before and thought I’d pass on that.  Lots of fun.  Our Boy, Lewis, was fastest on both practices, so the celebrations start…

Janice (Conga Queen) and Rob (FacePlant)

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It’s Hammertime!

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Jim (Odd Shoe)

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Janice (Conga Queen) and Mikey (Bean)

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Jason (Twiddle), Rosie (MudSlide), Robbo and Ducky (Drooly) and Lea (Pogo Queen) sitting

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Hooligans – Jason, Robbo, Rosie, Niki and Tony

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Mikey and me!

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Robbo re-enacting the famous FacePlant from last year!

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Jason, Jim, Niki & Tony

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More fun in the sun!

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Gwennie shining down on her boys…

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Napping and enjoying the (only) day of sunshine before next practice.

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Once, Twice, Three X’s A Champion!

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“Hamilton Hill”!

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More Party Room Fun!

Brothers…

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Sisters…and Jason…Goofin’ around

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Tony and Robbo

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Now it’s time to head off to our favorite digs…Weinsteins !  Don’t know how Rosie was able to obtain a reservation for 14 on F1 weekend, but we’re grateful she did!  Food is yummy, the service is fabulous and you’re right smack in the middle of Crescent Street…

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Saturday is almost as exciting as race day…Qualifying!  Our fearless leader (FacePlant) decided we should get our money’s worth out of our blue wigs and wear them to the track…so glad we did, as now we just keep popping up everywhere on social media!

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Where did you go Janice???  We’re missing your “I”!

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13435336_10156937530795461_104697638099892212_nuntitled-4Yes!  We were on TV!

 

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untitled-15-2..and HE did it!  Got pole!  Yee Haw!!!!!

It’s RACE DAY!  Tense, Excitement, Anticipation…all wrapped up in one.

And we’re off!

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It’s cold..oh not just chilly, but downright cold and a chance of rain…

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it’s time to paint our faces!

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IMG_8800Check out “Jeffrey’s Mum”…the world WORST F1 Fan ever!.  She wasn’t at all impressed with our fun attire and verbalized it in the worst of ways. She even tattle tailed on us to the stewards and as you can see, we kept our wigs. (Thank you Niki)  Cannot believe there would be someone like this  menopausal individual who could not see the fun and enjoyment of the day.  Of course, she indicated (does calling us Assho!es count?) more than once that she couldn’t see it over our wigs…What wigs, I say?

 

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And LEWIS HAMILTON WINS the 2016 Grand Prix!!

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Newest team member, Connagh kissing the Pole Position on the track!

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Lots of celebrations with a “football” game thrown in!

 

Yet another amazing Montreal GP weekend.  Thank you Peeps!

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I’ll leave you with this….

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The British Invasion…2016 Formula 1 -Day 1

As we all know…”There’s only one Lewis Hamilton!”…

5 Brits, 2 South African’s, 1 half and half Brit/Canadian and and 6 full blooded Canadians…all anticipating an amazing weekend of friends, family and Montreal F1 motor racing.

Our British family arrived this past Tuesday. Ducky, (Bro-In-Law Don…aka “Drooly Man”) and my Sissy, Lea (aka, Pogo Queen) assisted in the airport pickup.  Now I would expect  Rosie to bring a gigantic suitcase and she didn’t let me down…But Connagh?  I think his was larger!  Rob, well he usually only brings his shorts with no pockets  and maybe a backpack with some skivvies..(he needs a handler to take care of all his stuff…the no pocket thing..) has an equally large suitcase. Hence the two large SUV’s to pick them up from the airport.  We had a great sit down welcome home dinner for the tired travelers. This is our nephew, Connagh’s first visit to Canada and our newest addition to the Canadian F1.

Connagh & #1 Grandson, Jordan

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Our little 2 bedroom home has managed to fit all 7 of us.  Our home is known as the “Bread and Fishes house.  Anyone who is remotely religious know the story of the Bread & Fishes. No matter how many people we pack in our modest two bedroom  home, they all seem to fit and the food is plenty.  However,  something that I don’t understand is…why can’t two males sleep in a KING size bed together?  Not father son…nooooo.  Not besties….nooooo.  We women don’t have a problem bunking in together..only issue may be that we talk well into the night.  1 King Size Bed…1 princess (our niece Rosie) 1 pull out couch that managed to handle our 6′ 5” nephew Connagh, and the family room downstairs turned into a “man cave” with 1 queen blow up (thank you Trev & Suz!) and two blow up twin’s.. I had to ensure that I put the pillows on opposite ends of the bed when making up the beds next to one another…You know, the man thing and the snoring…

Our welcome back dinner!

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After a decent nights sleep these 4 decided to go for a man jog.  After their run, I suggested that maybe they wanted to go for a dip in the pool.  It was nice and warm, between 82-84.  The weather took a turn overnight and was a mere 11c!  Jason dipped his fingers in the pool and as his reaction seemed pensive, I just put it down to thin British blood.  They all dove in and when I checked the temp, it was only 77F!!  Yikes!  Mikey had turned down the heater when the weather was turning into Fall instead of Spring…

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We headed out for a round of golf at Riverside.  Great little course despite all the goose poop.  The little goslings made up for it though…so sweet.  I was holding my breath that Rob was determined to get at least 1 birdie..any way he could…lol.We headed out for a round of golf at Riverside.  Great little course despite all the goose poop.  The little goslings made up for it though…so sweet.  I was holding my breath that Rob was determined to get at least 1 birdie..any way he could…lol.

from Left to Right…Mikey, Niki, Robbo, Jason, me and Connagh13346195_10208284108333605_6318486185354516762_o

We held a bbq for all the family and friends to come and visit before we headed to Montreal.  The only part of the outdoors was Mikey bbq’ing…it was way to cold to sit out in the yard.  Crazy weather!

Such a great turnout!  Melissa, Lucas and our little darlings, Abbey, Hannah and Emma – Michelle with our sweeties Jordan and Maddie – Elena and Brian with our Goddaughter, Michelle – Suz and Trev.  (see Bread and Fishes above).  Lots to catch up on and separate conversations going on all around the room.  What can be better than that?

Here’s a picture of the jr. gang…from tallest to smallest…

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We are trying to recruit Suz and Trev for the 2017 F1, so Suz tried on the wig to see if it works!  This wig will surface x 14 for Sunday’s race.  If you watch it, you’ll no doubt see us on the telly.  We are 14 crazy Lewis Hamilton fans.

I think she will fit in just fine!  Now to work on Trev…

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2 bathrooms, 7 showers all packed and ready to set off for Montreal!  And, we (almost) met the 8:am deadline at Glen & Chrissy’s if it weren’t for the construction on Harmony Road!.

For the sake of these next few posts, they will be known as “Turnstyle” and “Spiller Miller”, their F1 handles and yes, there is a story behind each and every F1 nickname. There is “Drooly Man” (Don) and Pogo Queen (Lea), Sh!t song Ralph (Tony), Mudslide (Rosie), Faceplant (Rob) Odd Shoe (Jim), Conga Queen (Janice).  There are still a few of us who have managed to escape the branding!  By the end of the weekend, there will surely be additions!

And we’re off!

Here is our Thursday night’s itinerary:-

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We are 14 serious (insane) fans of #44!thumbs_up

 

Lewis Hamilton

Lewis Hamilton

 

We arrived in Montreal around 2 and headed straight to Costco.  8 cases of beer, snacks and water were loaded into our 3 vehicles and the final trek to the residence hotel.

After unpacking, we all met in the common room and the festivities began (see itinerary above)…

The unveiling of the 2016 Montreal Grand Prix Lewis Hamilton shirt!IMG_1959

We spell “It’s Hammertime!” on the front and on the back, Once, Twice, Three X’s A Champion!”  Those of us without nicknames, had them assigned…Wrong Way Wobin is mine and you all know that would describe me perfectly.

and the reveal of the Banner (look for it at the race!)

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loads of fun rehashing all the previous races..and of course there were drinking games…

Here is the ORIGINAL “Casualty Hat”….Orange looks good on you Jim!

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And here is the NEW Casualty Hat! (Guess who won that first?)

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Niki, Rob and Mikey having a good yuk

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Off we went to bed; me with my casualty hat that I hope to turn over to the next casualty really soon!

I’ll leave you with this….

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Life is Good…..